Sunday, November 11, 2007

Gipper's Zipper: DNA proves George Gipp didn't father illegitimate child

DNA tests on the moldering corpse of Notre Dame football legend George Gipp have proven that the old fella didn't father a baby that his former girlfriend gave birth to months after he died of pneumonia and strep during his senior year in 1920. Another 87-year-old rumor bites the dust.

The Gipper -- made famous by coach Knute Rockne in a half-time pep talk and played in the movies by a nearly unknown actor named Ronald Reagan -- was dug up last month amid great secrecy. Why?

Years ago, a Gipp biographer stumbled on an Internet posting by a woman who claimed to be a descendant of the football great. Her grandmother was Eva Bright, whom Gipp had dated for about a year before he died. Her claims caused a Gipp grand-nephew to exhume the body for a DNA test.

So last month, Gipp's right femur was snatched and his other legless remains were reburied. A Dallas testing lab this week confirmed no link between Gipp and the Bright granddaughter.

In other news, 1-9 Notre Dame's backfield still sucks. Perhaps they can put the Gipper's spare leg to good use.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Cow Poop: More than a redneck lawn ornament

Folks up North say we Texans have more money than brains, more oil than money and more bulls*** than oil. Well, now we also have the world's largest manure-to-gas plant and they're dang jealous.

Every day, Microgy Inc.'s new Huckabay Ridge plant mixes 10 dump-trucks full of cow poop with grease and other restaurant waste, purifies it and turns it into methane gas ... which will power 11,000 Central Texas homes a year. That's the equivalent of 4.6 million gallons of oil a year.

One company official referred to Texas dairy cattle as "non-depleting gas wells," and for good reason: Each cow produces about 15 gallons of poop every day, and there are hundreds of thousands of them in Texas alone.

Can't do that in Manhattan! Thank God and Goodnight for Texas BS!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Baby Grace: A dead girl, score of tips, no answers

It's a sad statistic: At least two dozen little girls match the description of Baby Grace, the unidentified toddler found in a plastic box on an island in Galveston Bay last week. They come from homes all over America and one of them might be her.

Even sadder, none of them might be her. She might be a child whose absence was never noticed by family and friends. Her disappearance might have fallen through bureaucratic cracks at some cop shop. Or her disappearance might be a monstrous parent's handiwork. Might she be from Southeast Texas? We are surrounded by wicked possibilities.

It's been suggested that she might be little Madeline McCann, the 4-year-old British girl who disappeared from her parents' hotel in Portugal last May. Galveston investigators are fairly certain it isn't her ... but they have so few clues so far that they won't rule it out either. That's not a sign of incompetence, but a reflection of the fog that surrounds such a grotesque and inhumane act.

Without a big break, it will be a slow, frustrating, arduous process. For now, we can only hope that whoever set this little dead girl adrift on a sea in a plastic storage bin will be found and removed from civil society.

Anyone with information is asked to call the Galveston County Sheriff’s Office at 409-766-2222, the agency’s tip line at 866-248-8477 or any Crime Stoppers organization.