Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Men Strike Back: The male response to Maxine

I've got a dear friend up north who is a lovable bear of a guy. He growls and grumbles and sometimes looks like a misogynistic redneck. OK, all the time. But I know different: He's still married to the same girl whose picture he kept on his desk in college, when we were roommates, and I think she (and his daughters) have him wrapped around their little fingers.

But he sent me this, and it made me laugh. I don't belive any of this stuff (well, most of it ... ) but I love entertaining all my blogger friends!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is
about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required internal pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Will women ever be equal to men?
Not until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer-gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


Jill said...

Ahem! On behalf of wives everywhere...What!

Love, Rita said...

I probably should be offended...but I thought it was great. Some of them even had a grain of truth it them. (But no more than a grain!)

Very entertaining. I am going to email a link to my male friends--they will appreciate it, I'm quite sure.

ex-WAVE said...

Okay, I got some yucks from that list of amusements. Like to try this pair on for size?:

Q. How come single women don't fart?

A. Because until we marry we don't have a$$h@les.

Q. How come men marry women?

A. Because sheep can't cook?

Ron Franscell said...

No fair! Women have funnier sexist jokes than men!