he used his hands to protect his gut (Nicole Fruge/San Antonio Express-News)
At the Spam-scarfing event, there was one important rule to remember: ""If you get sick and you can put it back in your mouth before it hits the table, you don't lose points."
Can you toss a toilet seat onto a spike? Yes? If you can build a three-bedroom double-wide with duct tape and spackle, if your dark roots are at least three inches long, and if you think Genitalia is an Italian airline, Lordy, this here festival is fer you'uns.