Thursday, February 22, 2007

How cold is it? Depends if you're in SE Texas

I've been living here in tropical Southeast Texas for three years now, after moving from Colorado. My house there was at 7,500 feet in the Rockies and I never missed a day of work because of a "snow day."

Down here, I am still struck by the thin-bloodedness of the locals. Parkas pop up when the thermometer hits 65. People keep their thermostats at 75. They actually think Winter exists here ... and I jump in my pool on New Year's Day every year just because I can. Natives think I'm an idiot.

Here are some other temperature "gauges" you might notice here:

60 above zero:
Southeast Texans turn on the heat.
People in Colorado plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Southeast Texans shiver uncontrollably.
People in Denver sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian and English cars won't start.
People in Colorado drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water would freeze in Port Arthur, if they had it.
The water in Golden gets thicker. Think beer.

20 above zero:
Southeast Texans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Colorado throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Colorado have the last cookout before it gets cold.

People in Southeast Texas all die.
Denverites close the windows.

10 below zero:
Southeast Texans would fly to Mexico
People in Colorado get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Houston disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Colorado are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Austin runs out of hot air.
People in Colorado let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Denverites get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Colorado start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Denver public schools will open 2 hours late.


Jill said...

Yup! I moved from South Carolina over thirty years ago. Texas is a bit different. I do remember two brothers who lived next door years ago. They were from Michigan so in our "winter" they were sunbathing in January while the temp was around 40 degrees.

SingingSkies said...

*chuckle* Sir, Ah definitely resemble that remark. Maybe 65 is too warm for the parka, but the general trend of your comments is accurate.

One of the few times I experienced snow in this neck of the woods, people built snowpeople on their car hoods, then drove around like maniacs showing off their snow. Hiliarious!

Jana said...

We on the east side of the mountains laugh at those on the west side because when they get any snow (really ANY) snow, schools close and the city of Seattle literally closes down tight. Ok, they have a few hills over there to condend with, but geez! The drivers simply go faster trying to get away from that funny white stuff!
A month or so ago when we got a bad snow storm and ice, the schools started 2 hours late.. =-)

Chancelucky said...

funny stuff Ron. It's good to know that life goes on in Colorado even below absolute zero.

Jay said...

That's funny. I haven't lived in any of the mentioned cities/states, but here in Oregon, it gets down to 0 at times.

It's just funny when after being 10 degrees for the past couple of weeks, 40 is considered to be "warm".