Gee, a newspaperman goes to Wyoming for a week and you'd think the world would take a holiday from mayhem, but noooooo. Scanning today's headlines, I see that you people just carried on without me! Some of the most amazing news:
-- A Muslim man with an expired visa is arrested when he tells a truck-driving school that he wants to learn how to drive a big rig ... but doesn't need to learn how to back up.
-- A British teacher is fired after she tells her tots that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Nor do fairies.
-- Olympic bomber and maximum-security inmate Eric Rudolph claims that being in prison is driving him insane ... and ruining his diet. Not being stupid he says Colorado's Supermax federal prison is "designed to inflict as much misery and pain as is constitutionally permissible" and he wants a nicer standard of living.
--The next new fashion trend for teenagers? Wearing pajamas to school. (Am I the only person in the world who has bad dreams about attending classes in my pajamas?)
-- What would you do if you found a lost wallet containing $2.10 in real money, a fake $50.00 gift certificate, some miscellaneous items and a clearly written ID card identifying the lost wallet's rightful owner? Well, the first thing you should do is look for a hidden camera!
-- A minister who knew Jeffrey Dahmer in prison says that if the cannibal-killer hadn't been killed in prison, he might have become history's greatest prison evangelist. Which I suppose explains Dahmer's fascination with communion.