Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Become an illegal alien today!

This letter was allegedly sent to U.S. Paul Sarbanes, a Maryland Democrat. The purported author has a unique idea: Give up his official American-ness to become an undocumented worker -- presumably Mexican -- thereby saving $70,000 in taxes and getting free health care and education.

Some people would do anything to earn the marvelous benefits of being a minority, wouldn't they?


The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes:

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.

If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of the last five years taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?

This would yield an excellent return for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005 and I estimated a gross savings approximating $72,000. After the fine this would yield me a net savings of $70,000. In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being an illegal alien such as free health care, avoidance of paying Social Security taxes, buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent

1 comment:

Love, Rita said...

This issue is so upsetting to me.

More so than the situation in the Middle East, or the political corruption that makes buffoons out of our legislators, or being jerked around by big oil. I want our government to DO something to stop the virtual flood of illegal immigrants taking our jobs, using our services, taking advantage of our social security programs.

We need a fence (see "www.weneedafence.com) and we need it NOW!